1. Expendables (2010)
Multiple legends in the same film shouldn’t be so challenging to watch. When I pop in a movie with Jet Li, Jason Statham , Sylvester Stallone, and Bruce Willis, I expect a kick ass movie! Instead I get a really poor story line, a few explosions, and a few kicks here and there. I know action movies are known for their corniness, but this movie takes the cake. I think I laughed at one of the punch lines in the entire film. I’ve seen better acting in my sister ‘s elementary school play. There weren’t enough roundhouse kicks or punches to begin to make up for it.You guys are much better than this movie! It was extremely predictable and not at all suspenseful. Next time you martial art legends decide to join together again, please live up to the hype!
2. Turistas (2006)
There is nothing worse than paying $50 for two at the theaters only to walk out! That ‘s exactly what happened when my sister and I decided to watch Turistas (Go Home) in 2006. This movie was so boring, we cracked jokes to get through most of it. Even still, our jokes weren’t enough to find any satisfaction for this film. I remember one scene that was worthy(a man gets stabbed in the eye)-but it was a quick glimpse of a horror movie, and didn’t really belong. Don’t waste your time. If you do finish Turistas , it will be 93 minutes of wasted time you’ll never get back.
3. Twighlight (2008)
I tried to read the book before it became a phenomenon, though I will never understand why. Vampires do not glow! They are not vegetarians; blood is their energy. And what is wrong with this girl, anyway? Why in the world is she incapable of falling in love with a human being? I have to admit, if my boyfriend turned into a hungry wolf- I’d probably get a bit turned off. I use to be a huge fan of vampires, but now, in their new diamond in-crusted, rainbow dancing, strength depleting, fairy tale teen-found glory they stand for everything opposite of what makes those fanged creatures so sexy. There’s nothing sexy about a vampire nice enough to be a celebrity guest on Sesame Street.
4. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
It’s not very often that a sequel outdoes the original. Transformers was a fantastic movie. It was action packed and smart. But, the sequel, Revenge of the Fallen, was completely forgettable. It skipped on the complex emotions and struggles of the first movie, making it impossible to relate to. Plus, the movie was missing a lot of story.
5. ‘Little Man’ (2006)
What is the best way to steal that gorgeous diamond. I’ll somehow be mistaken for a baby, and you be my father! Not only is it totally unrealistic, but it ‘s creepy. It ‘s no more clever than a wanna-be thug hiding WalMart’s merchandise is his 4 sizes too big pants… you know, the pants that fall down so he breaks his nose as he runs from security? At least this guy ‘s robbery was entertaining!
6. ‘Boat Trip’ (2002)
Listen to this very important advice: Before you book a trip, make sure you’re not the only straight guy on the ship! Seriously, the stereotypical, anti gay jokes are hardly laughable-and I believe in finding humor anywhere possible-including foul or offensive. The only thing funny here is the fact that Cuba Gooding Jr put himself through this torture.
7. Rat Race (2001)
I saw this movie in the theaters. I wanted to walk out. With an all-star cast like this (Seth Green, Whoopie Goldberg, Cuba Gooding Jr, among many others) made this movie more disappointing than an empty toy store. It was filled with wacky humor from start to finish-very little actually made me laugh. I usually find irony very entertaining. A Jewish family stealing Hitler ‘s car is one thing. Having a series of events leading up to a Hitler look-a-like speaking gibberish(which sounds like German) heading towards WW1veterans is not ironic, it ‘s cruel. Hitler is barely a joke, unless he somehow suffers in the end of it.
8.Show Girls (1995)
This is a far cry for actress Elizabeth Berkley from Saved by the Bell! In this NC-17 movie, she chases after her dream- to be a professional dancer. What dancer wouldn’t want ‘stripper’ listed under experience in their portfolio? This is as immoral as you can get in a movie, but remember it IS NC-17! The best thing about this movie is this: Be careful what you wish for. Even if you do survive through the cuts and bruises, broken bones, and less than flattering day-or night- job it may be only a dream, and soon you’ll want to wake up.
9. Year One
I’m guessing, back in ancient times, if you were too dumb to hunt your food then you starved. I expected this movie to be hilarious-full of nonsense humor. Unfortunately, the lack of intelligence Zed(Jack Black) possesses is sad. His ‘chosen one’ attitude gets himself and best pal Oh ( Micael Cera ) in bit of trouble. So much for “survival of the fittest”. It seems we are now in the age of “death to the intelligent”; so sad. The series of events seem thrown together just to get the movie out. I guess life is painless for the brainless.
10. The Spirit
Another movie I couldn’t begin to finish. I’ll admit, the dark cinema in the previews made this comic movie one I just had to check out! I’m just thankful I decided to watch it at home-for free. The villains were brainless. The hero was boring. To make matters worse, Scarlett Jahonsson and Samuel L. Jackson ‘s acting left ALOT to the imagination. The plot might have been entertaining if it weren’t for all the mindlessness the movie offered-er suffered.
11. Pearl Harbor
I understand the use of love stories in tragedy-based movies. But the movie ‘Pearl Harbor’ told almost nothing of the actual Pearl Harbor attacks. Perhaps the movie would be better if it were named something like ‘Love in the Army’ or something that actually had to do with the story. And yes, titles really do make all the difference! Pearl Harbor was only one event in this movie. Don’t name the entire movie after that event for points. It is a confusing, very complex love story, let ‘s just leave it at that.
12. Planet Terror ( Grindhouse )
Grindhouse is a double featured film that pays respects to the sleazy movies to the 1970 ‘s . I’m not one for zombie movies, but throw in a beautiful, strong woman like Rose McGowan with a machine gun for a leg, I’m going to check it out! I wish I hadn’t even put ‘Planet Terror’ in my DVD player. There is no reason any zombie-related movie should contain rape. Even worse, NO movie should, for some unknown reason, show a scared child die from a self-inflicted wound to his head-randomly. I’m sure that director/writer Robert Rodriguez could have used his demented mind to conjure up something else-anything else for pure shock value. Needless to say, I was so disgusted by Planet Terror, I never bothered with the second film, directed by Quentin Terintino , Death Proof.
13. Time Line
This movie served better as a lullaby rather than a mix-of-the-times-tale. Starring Paul Walker and Gerard Butler, this movie takes the concept of time travel to new boring heights. It is true that changing the past, or present for that matter, will change the course of the future. Unfortunately, this film failed to capture chaos in war. This movie was a low-action miss in entertainment.