Love songs and movies have socially outlined a great romance in the form of two lovers starting out as childhood best friends. The young ‘friends’ share a childhood crush, but refuse to act on it simply because it wasn’t “cool”. As time progressed for the young friends, and hormones matured, their ‘friendship’ blossomed into an emotional bond; now teenagers, the friendship between the boy and girl has grown more intimate … and the relationship starts, and they live happily ever after. This may be a happy tale for movie-goers, but it’s not necessarily true in real life.
The comforting reality with childhood friends soon changes as the couple matures. Age brings more experiences and goals into play, and personal outlooks may change over time. Things the childhood friends once agreed upon, may find the two having a difference of opinion as adults. And, the truth of the matter is the couple will find more differences between them as they mature.
Not all great friendships start at the daycare playground, and can be sparked from all walks of Life, in any given place or time. A strong point to support this would be the fact of small children not understanding the value of a true friendship; children only know the beginners’ basics of friendship. A child is taught to share, be kind/courteous, and play well together … like I said: the basics. We all know it takes a lot more than three basic rules to be in a healthy friendship! Although a child has the instincts to carry out the values of a healthy friendship, they have no accurate knowledge when and where to use these qualities. But, I have witnessed some babies who have healthier, instinctive manners than most adults. I have seen a toddler act out compassion, empathy, honesty, sympathy, trust and understanding … and, was able to exemplify positive reciprocation. These are qualities I have had a hard time finding in an adult … claiming to be a “friend”.
The values and standards of a healthy friendship as an adult can be on a more intimate level. As adults, we understand and yearn the desires of wanting what is best for a friend, how to trust one another and most of all – how comforting it is to be able to speak truthfully without recourse. Sharing these qualities with someone can bring you closer, and ultimately resulting in a healthy friendship. As time progresses, the friendship bond becomes stronger, and at this point the friends may ‘crossover’ to a more intimate ‘friendship’ … a relationship.
As a result of sharing a satisfying comfort level within a friendship, people will crossover to a relationship. Figuring the comfort will be enough to survive a relationship, some people fall short on happiness; after being friends so long, a person may sidetrack a certain amount of respect once in the relationship. A feeling of not having a need to ‘get to know’ a person is satisfying, and works well, but this can be a good thing and a bad thing; when a person ‘knows everything’ about you, there’s no room to grow, right? It could be my opinion, but the divorce rate almost supports my opinion.
Once in a relationship, the friend status changes, and so should certain values. Not a tremendous change, but the importance placed on values such as honesty, trust, and reciprocation – among a few others, have a greater impact on a relationship, than in a friendship. A friend is not going to end your friendship because you weren’t completely honest, due to respecting your privacy. The values of a friendship become priorities once in a relationship, and creates obligations. If both parties are not compromising and/or agreeing with understanding of the transition of values, the relationship may not have a chance.
This is not to say all friendships cannot crossover to a relationship. But, it is wise to be certain that the friendship can withstand the transition. It is possible for friends to become lovers, but if they do will their friendship withstand a relationship?