In a stunning revelation, FEMA has confirmed it has no contingency plans and will not be able to assist citizens in response to zombie attacks in Central PA.
FEMA, the organization Americans rely on for disaster response, noted that funding from the United States Department of Homeland Security was deemed unnecessary. The project, known as ‘Zombie Hawk 101’ lost support earlier this year as Democrats and Republicans in the House of Representatives failed to agree on a new deal to support various projects of Homeland Security.
FEMA has come under fire this week for its failure to launch a pre-disaster migration program.
Meanwhile, the zombie count continues to rise near Pleasant Township in PA as miners from the Kettle Mine Disaster of 1907, thought to be dead for over a century, continue to unearth themselves. As of Saturday morning, about a dozen zombies have been spotted in nearby Orange Grove.
The Kettle Mine Disaster of 1907 claimed 239 lives when oil lambs mysteriously ignited. The Mid Atlantic Coastal Coal Company owned and operated the mine.
In the years following the disaster, survivors claimed little mining actually occurred at the site of Kettle. Often, workers stated they, as part of their normal work day, would bury large canisters deep into the mine, an allegation the company consistently denied until its demise in the fall 1915. Adding speculation to the allegations was the fact government officials and armed forces maintenance crews were mainstays at the mine. The military confirmed in subsequent years its presence in the community but claims it conducted only basic training drills near the town.
Though no loss of human life has been reported, residents have been attacked and bitten. Currently, the victims (believed to be six in all) are being treated at St Mary’s Hospital for various infections and fevers. The injuries are not considered serious at this time. Local authorities stated there was an investigation of a partially devoured deer near Pleasant less than a mile north from where zombie siting’s were first confirmed. However, this investigation was put on hold as the federal government has assumed jurisdiction.
Meanwhile, the Thursday disappearance of missing utility worker Chad Mueller remains unsolved. Mueller’s truck was found empty approximately 500 yards from the original mine opening. Unsubstantiated rumors and original reports surfaced that his body had been found, severed from the waist down but still alive. However, this has been dismissed by a spokesperson for the county sheriff’s department. A shaken deputy, Russ De Martinis, noted Mueller’s wallet, keys, and cell phone had been recovered and the investigation would continue. He refused to answer additional questions.
Panicked residents remain skeptical.
The key question remains as to who is in charge at the small PA town. FEMA has deferred to Homeland Security and the National Guard. State police have been deployed but await support from the federal government. The townspeople have little confidence anyone is in charge.
“I am terrified,” said Mary Donnelly, 86, a resident of the town whose father died in the mining accident.
While this is the first ever confirmed zombie siting, it does not surprise former police chief, Frank Stone. Frank served as the town sheriff from 1940 until 1956. Stone, now 92 years old and in poor health, was the lead investigator when the community was plagued by a number of bizarre murders in the winter of 1955. In a 6-day span, four people were viciously murdered and partially devoured by, what was thought to be at the time, a cannibalistic cult. In a report filed by Stone, he concluded at least two victims had unloaded their fire arms but were unsuccessful in warding off any of their attackers.
Frank was removed from his post in the months after the murders and institutionalized for nearly a decade. The case has remained unsolved for almost six decades.
Meanwhile, roadblocks surround the neighboring towns prohibiting the residents of Pleasant from leaving or entering the vicinity. The state police have been ordered to fire upon any person, dead or alive, who attempts to disobey this order. Curfews are being enforced at sundown.
As for the residents surrounding the mine, they can only wait and hope. Wait for help from the federal authorities. Hope not many more of the 239 workers will rise from the mine.