I am so happy with you
She replies that she is equally happy with me
I have opened up and told her about my demons, my monsters, the things that are inside me, the things that scare me.
I never opened up to anyone like this before, I tell her this is a part of me that no one knows about, I entrust her with my darkest parts. Little did I know she was telling someone else about the inner me, little did I know she would open up my innermost secrets to someone else, maybe it was more than she could handle, maybe she just needed to talk to someone, because it scared her, either way she should have chosen a better person to tell for the one she told was almost as dark as me.
However, you know how best friends are, I specifically asked her not to share this with anyone. I specifically remember telling her that these monsters inside of me are real and it takes a lot of my energy to keep them in check, I specifically told her that they will kill anything they touch, I told her.
I could hear them while I was telling her don’t do that , she will betray you, I pay them no mind these days they are always trying to get me to block people out so they can come out and play.
One day I run into her best, she smiles, but not just an ordinary smile this is more, I brush it off and just say what’s up for casual conversation, not really wanting to stop,
She grabs me by the arm and says hey, where you going? I smirk and say home, she says can I come? I am not going to your girl’s house I am going home, she says I know.
I reply you’re so silly and pull my arm away and start to walk, she yells out that a former friend says hello, the name sparks up something in me but I brush it off and say whatever, she says another former acquaintance says hello, so I stop and turn.
She walks up to me and says I hear you were quite the ladies’ man
Why are you all in my business?
She replies please don’t get upset; I am not trying to be funny
So what are you trying to be?
I feel them stirring up inside of me getting agitated, not liking the idea of someone playing games with them.
Look your girl told me some things and I,
What do you mean my girl told you some things? What things?
She replies that I have to promise not to say anything because she promised that she would never say a thing,
Yeah right so one liar to the next I say okay,
She tells me everything, everything that I told her, my darkest, my deepest, they are really unhappy now.
I told you so; I told you that you could not trust her, stupid, stupid emotional boy
She tells me that, she knows one off my old acquaintances and they back up some of the things that my girl told her, funny how they never pay attention to the how much of a no good boyfriend I was they only hear how good the sex is.
She tells me that my girl is her best friend and that she loves her man but the sex is just boring, she says she swears not to tell, she just doesn’t want to be sleeping with just anybody,
They are moving around so much it is hard to concentrate, on any thing besides how good she looks and her lips are so juicy, I, I……
I tell her, I can’t do that, I just don’t want to mess up with my girl; she promises that she will never tell, just once to satisfy her curiosity. Just once and that’s it, just once and we will act like nothing ever happened.
We have been sleeping around now for three months, and during an argument between her and my girl she tells all, everything, not leaving out any freaky details.
I feel them laughing at me on the inside, this is what they wanted all along, she yells cusses and fights until she is exhausted.
She tells me how much she hates me and never wants to speak to me again, as I am leaving she asks me why?
Why would I do this to us?
I tell her you never should have ran your mouth to her in the first place, she yells I did not tell her anything. I would never have done that to you, whatever you’re lying, I say. I call her names I have never said to her before, she calls me names that are all too familiar to me.
We leave on terms of hurt, hate and utter disgust.
A year later I find out that she died in a car accident while driving to see her new man, at the funeral I run into her ex-best friend and she tells me that, she tells me that, she never told her a thing, she never broke our trust, she told me that she read it all in her diary.
She told me that, she really and truly loved me and would have died for me.
But all I feel is that she died because if me,
I never got to tell her I LOVE HER.