I searched around for bowling jokes, one-liners, and quotes or sayings but didn’t find much on the worldwide web. I was being trained for the desk clerk’s position and didn’t want to just say, “Good evening league bowlers, as soon as your deck lights come on, you have 15 minutes of practice;” and when the practice session was over, “Bowlers please hold up on your practice, reset your machines to the first ball, and when your arrows come up, you may begin with your league play – good luck and good bowling.”
I found a few jokes and riddles like: 1) What is the quietest place in the world? A bowling alley because you can hear a pin drop; 2) When talking about your bowling game, don’t speak gutturally; 3) What did one bowling pin say to another? Hey, you’re a knock out!; and, 4) Bowling is a sport that could be right down your alley.
Well, they weren’t corny enough for me and I had to make up my own so that I’d get the bowlers listening and groaning. More importantly, once they caught on that I was making some kind of a bad joke, they listened to the other general announcements that I was making. If you bowl in league, you know them, “Bowlers before we start your league play, we’d like to remind you that on the 25th of this month, we will be having …etc., etc., etc.”
You also know that “no one” is really listening to the announcements because they are repeated before every shift of league and there are posters all over the bowling center heralding the event. People become so numb to the “news” that when it’s about two days from the deadline for entry, they’re asking everyone, “How come I wasn’t told about it?”
Anyway, to get back to my point, I needed quotations about bowling so I made them up myself and really did have people listening to me. They actually groaned and guffawed at me, but, they listened to all of my announcements because they didn’t want to miss the “punch line.”
Caution, you are now entering the downright corny, “groan zone.” Usually preceded by, “… and please remember that …” Here, then, are some of them for your derisive “pleasure:”
1) If you don’t knock all the pins down on the first ball, please, spare me the details.
2) By polishing your bowling technique, you will have a chance to shine.
3) Even if you don’t knock a lot of pins down, be sure to strike a pretty pose!
4) When bowling, you don’t have to be in the union to keep striking.
5) Getting strikes is like lining up a great date, you need a smooth approach and terrific follow through.
6) When you rush your approach, you gush your nice stroke, and you crush your delivery with a terrible flush. So much for toilet bowling.
7) Keeping your mind out of the gutter is one of the best ways to bowl a clean game.
8) If you can’t walk a straight line for your approach, you may not find a consistent strike line, do you get my drift?
9) Keep your head screwed on right and you’ll bowl alright; but, if you pop your cork, you’ll look like a dork.
10) Strikes are like hot dates – they’re satisfying and make you want a lot more.
BONUS: Splits are like “cold” dates – they’re unsatisfying and they make you want a “knot” more.
Had enough? I did warn you about “corny,” didn’t I? Ohhh, man, are there any crop circles in this cornfield? Lemme outta here!!!