Mitt Romney is just like you. He’s an everyday guy. His servants put his pants on him one leg at a time. And who among us has never had to tear down a $16 million mansion because it’s just too darn small?
That President Obama is not like you. He’s all Harvard-y. He gets all his advice from Harvard folks. Harvard people don’t know what real life is like. Harvard people wear turtlenecks to cricket games while drinking wine that comes from a bottle. Weird.
Point being, Romney = real American; Obama = Harvard elitist. Romney loves bashing Obama for listening to the “Harvard faculty lounge.” In a speech in San Antonio, Romney chided Obama on military drawbacks, saying “That may be what they think in that Harvard faculty lounge, but it’s not what they know on the battlefield.” He continued:
“President Obama takes all his policy advice from the Harvard faculty lounge. They don’t know how the real world works and they certainly don’t know how the real American lives. How can they, living on a hill high above the rest of us? I’m like you. Only a few of my houses are on a hill.
“These Harvard guys don’t understand the real America. I bet you couldn’t find a single Harvard professor who knows that the best snack ever invented is mashed-up Spam thrown into a bag of Lay’s barbecue potato chips. These Harvard types don’t even eat Lay’s! They prefer Pringles, the elitist bastards.
“You won’t find many Harvard professors who disagree with Chaz Bono being on Dancing with the Stars. That’s because they don’t even watch Dancing with the Stars! Can you believe that? They spend their time reading those book things and jerking off to NPR.
“I bet if you asked a Harvard professor what a corporation is, he’d tell you it’s based on the Latin ‘corporare’ which means ‘to combine in one body’ and is, therefore, a person. What a dumb idea! Oh, wait. Nevermind.
“President Obama keeps going on and on about taxing the rich. You shouldn’t tax the rich, Mr. President. You should tax Harvard professors! How much do they make? An average of $192,600 a year? Crap, that’s kind of rich. I’ll create a tax just for them. The Republican base would love it if I made the tax code even more complicated, right?
“To conclude, President Obama is out of touch because not only does he go to the Harvard faculty lounge for advice, he got his law degree at Harvard! And so did I. Fuck, I wasn’t supposed to mention that.
“I was never here.”