Date: October 11, 2011
Place: Hooters Parking Lot on Rt. 1, Glen Mills PA
Noon – Meet at parking lot of Hooters for instructions and purpose of Occupy Glen Mills. Now, I am sure you may be asking yourself whether or not we should have already come up with a purpose, but that’s not important. We will make something up as we go along.
12:15-1pm – Lunch – can’t protest on an empty stomach. For those of you who do not like wings, Dunkin’ Donuts is conveniently located in the same strip mall.
At this time we will be making our protest posters. Please bring crayons and poster board. Remember to share! Some of you have already asked what these signs should say. If anyone has a clue or an idea as to what should be written, please do not keep those bits of wisdom to yourself.
1-2pm – March to The Fresh Market. Nothing says capitalism like The Fresh Market. Have you ever seen the eight cylinder living rooms parked outside one of those establishments? Unfathomable what the wealthy will do to our environment.
2-3pm – March to Bam Margera’s house. Located just ten minutes away in beautiful Chadds Ford is the home of Jackass mogul Bam. Wait until you see his house! You may think he is one of us, but nothing could be further from the truth. Once you lay eyes on the mansion he calls home you will immediately realize he is a contributor and beneficiary to the disease known as capitalism. Sure he may make riding downhill in a shopping cart look like fun, but like all other ‘grabbing hands’ capitalists, he is a catalyst and suppressor. Shame on you, Bam.
3-4pm – Head to Friendly’s for ice cream and open discussion. By this time we will all need sugar and a cool treat. At this point, feel free to congratulate each other on doing an outstanding job. Meet someone you haven’t spoken to and share a sad story about capitalism.
4pm-4:15pm – Address Media. Surely, the local media will be clamoring for some information about us. If someone can think of something even mildly intelligent to say, do not hesitate to immediately contribute.
4:15-6pm – Interrupt traffic during rush hour. Ah, nothing says ‘protest’ like disrupting the flow of traffic. It is akin to being the last speaker at a sales rally before dinner. I would like to think of this as the big finish to our busy day. (BTW – if you see a red Dodge Ram, please do not block its progress. It could be my dad on his way home from work and he might ground me if he is inconvenienced – thank you!”)
6pm – Meet at Starbucks for wrap-up meeting. Normally, we would abhor such an establishment; however, they sell music by Joan Baez and Bob Dylan. Additionally, like Apple, Best Buy, and any application that allows us to download music without trademark restriction, they serve a useful purpose and, therefore, are off limits to protests. Once at Starbucks, we will try to figure out why we actually marched in the first place. Additionally, we will all pledge allegiance to the cause (whatever that is) and swear to continue this process as long as necessary – or until I get a job.
Important! Accommodations – If anyone needs a place to stay, my parents own a 6-bedroom, 5-bath house in West Chester. It’s big enough to sleep ten of us, so let me now if you want to stay. All I ask if you do not feed our race horses.
If there are any questions, don’t ask me, because I don’t know.
“It’s so easy to deceive a child” – John Lydon