The idea for this article actually came from a Facebook update that I posted last night. I started thinking that everyone is probably at least a little “crazy”, I realize that the word crazy may be offensive to some and would like to point out that I use it in a comical way, it’s sort of an inside joke. An idea of the content is something like “my approach to dealing with being “crazy” without meds, which I cannot afford. And for the record I probably won’t be back soon.
I DON’T REALLY HATE YOU: The worse thing that I do is definitely taking out my own insecurities, fears, and failures on the people around me. I haven’t the slightest idea why I do this and I don’t know how to stop. Making everyone else feel like crap doesn’t make me feel better but for some reason I do it all the time. It actually makes me feel worse because directly afterward I feel like a complete a**!
And then comes the “I Hate Myself And I Want To Die” mood which is a whole different topic. It does not make sense and hopefully writing about it will help. If you are someone who has been directly affected by my being “crazy” I apologize and this is my conscious attempt to stop! “I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE” SYNDROME There really isn’t much to say about this except that I would never actually harm myself but sometimes talking about it makes me feel a little better. A plea for attention maybe, a need to feel valid, I don’t know but I know that harming yourself WILL NOT make any situation better. Suicide is a serious matter and the result of a very sick individual. If someone you know talks about harming themselves don’t take it lightly, try to spend some extra time with them, make them feel special, do something nice for them. Just talking to someone can make a huge difference. In my case all of these things would help me when I’m suffering from the “I Hate Myself And I Want To Die” syndrome.
WAIT, WHY AM I ANGRY AGAIN? There is so much truth in that question. Most days I find myself mad at pretty much everything even if it makes no sense at all and it usually doesn’t. Sound ridiculous? Well, that’s because it is and I realize that it’s ridiculous but the ridiculousness doesn’t change that I am in fact mad at everything. I’m sure that a high priced psychiatrist would have me figured out in five minutes but that five minutes would be too expensive wouldn’t it? If I’m angry at you it probably has nothing to do with you at all, so try not to get too upset by it.
JUST KEEP SWIMMING… I really love the idea of just keep swimming, but some of us don’t possess the ability to do this, myself included. What this means to me is that I should try not to let the “little things” bother me and just keep living. I would be enthralled if I was actually able to do this, but for some reason my brain just isn’t programmed that way. For those of you that are lucky enough to have this outlook on life, realize that what you have is rare and try to be grateful.
The only real way I’ve found to deal with these issues is to try to distance myself from other people when I’m feeling “crazy”. I don’t even like being around myself when I’m like this so I feel it’s best to spare others the aggravation.