Ever feel like your drowning in the day to day worries. We all have something that is a breaking point. We are all seeking shelter from a storm brewing in our lives at one time or another. I am currently in a storm and have been growing angrier each day that passes and the issue continues. My prayers have taken a tone of begging, pleading, bargaining, demanding and yes even yelling. I want to throw up my hands and “Say When”…enough is enough, I am breaking.
I found myself sitting outside on my porch swing, where I often go to have a ‘frank’ conversation with God. For some reason I assume that my roof is an obstacle and will interfere with my prayer signal. I work through a range of emotions, first I am humbled and try to remember who I am speaking with, then I get angry and throw a tantrum. I deserve answers, I want answers, can’t He see I am scared. Why is He not listening to me, why do I feel so alone?
After I have finished my terrible two moment, regret washes over me. I love my Heavenly Father. I need Him and I can’t stay mad. Prayer starts once again, this time one of repenting. I have shown disrespect (in my eyes-I say this because God already knows my heart) and I need to be right with Him. I explain that I am coming from a place of fear and anxiousness. That I am “saying when”.
Here it comes…the AH HA moment. You know the one. Where the silence is broken and you get a reality check God style. It suddenly dawned on me….who am I to “say when”? Is it our place to tell our creator that enough is enough? If I am acting in fear and not in faith then my heart is deaf. I am not alone…I have simply stuffed ear plugs in my heart. I am to scared or panicked to hear my Father who is patiently waiting for me to “Be Still”.
Our pastor grabbed my heart today with his words. He said (and I am paraphrasing) ‘that if you are angry with God and you do not work this out with Him, you can not have a relationship with Him.’ I knew then that I was angry and that was why I felt alone. I was the one who had turned my back, not Him. That ripped those ear plugs right out!
I have always been a believer that we are to have an open and honest conversation with God. He already knows how you’re feeling, so why not spill it to Him. Lay it all out on the line. Get rid of the ear plugs, by dumping the uncertain emotions. However like any discussion after you are done, you must “Be Still” and allow the other side to speak. We must also be preppared for the fact that silence may be the only answer we get. Silence is not a bad thing, in fact the old saying states “it is golden”. That silence may represent a not now response, or it may represent another barrier we must work on in order to hear God speak.