“Come on, it will be fun!” my friend Sheila told me. She was excited. I was not. At all. She was dragging me to see her newly discovered psychic friend. Lady Jessie. I was somewhat disturbed by that name, though I can’t really tell you why. Just a hunch. I held no belief at all in psychics. I believed that people thought that they had helped them, and that was great. I often thought that many of these folks seeking psychic wisdom could actually help themselves, given a little encouragement. Want, need and wisdom does produce results, sometimes. That was my view on it. Long ago. I was a bit wrong, though.
“Mary, come on!” Sheila was still tugging me down the street and towards the Lady’s office. I made one last protest. “Sheila, we are in our thirties, what can this lady really do for us?” I just had to ask. “You will see.” she said. We reached the front door of Lady Jessie’s office and the sign on the window stated that “Awareness is my specialty.” That is nice to know. For the unaware, that is. Interesting. Sheila and I went through the door.
The place was as dark as a cave. Deep purple curtains hung in all of the windows. Black and violet candles were lit and glowing from strategical areas. Sheila led me through the main room, about as big as a small bedroom, into another area shaded by purple curtains. This room was tiny. A small kitchen size, I would say. Very small. A table, covered by a dark purple tablecloth, of course, and a crystal ball sat on it. Four chairs surrounded the table. Lady Jessie was seated in one. Her eyes were the first facial feature to strike me. Black eyes. I had never seen that shade before. Eerie. They seemed to glow and shine. Her long black hair hung down straight as a curtain, around her face and body. It flowed beyond my vision. I assumed it was very long. Her nails were painted purple. To match her gown, which was satin purple. Her right hand waved at us and gestured towards the two chairs facing her. We sat.
“Sheila, is this her?” Lady Jessie asked, in a gravely low tone that sent shivers down my spine and raised the hairs on the back of my neck. Sheila nodded. I gulped. I was being studied by this psychic and she looked at and through me. For about an hour, it seemed, though only a few minutes actually passed. She leaned towards Sheila and whispered something to her. Sheila nodded. I swallowed hard and was about to ask a stupid question, I am sure, when Sheila grabbed my arm and said “We must go now!” I was puzzled, but since I did not want to be there anyway, I gladly left. “What was all of that about?” I asked Sheila. She replied “You will see.” I soon did.
A week passed and one morning, I got up and was standing in front of my bedroom mirror wondering what to wear for the day. I turned, meaning to go towards my closet and stopped. Suddenly, I was frozen. Like a statue. I could not move. A feeling of nothing came over me. It is so hard to describe, but I must try. A numbness. I wondered if I was having a stroke. I had no feeling whatsoever in my entire body. This lasted about two minutes and then I could move. I was so delighted by my ability to move, I failed to notice that my brain was a bit numb, still. I had a fuzzy headed feeling. My thoughts were scattered and I felt nothing like my old self. This feeling persisted. The next day, I went to my doctor for a full check up. All was well. No problems. Then, why did I still feel so strange? My soul was gone, I kept thinking. That seemed crazy, as I was alive. I breathed, but the air seemed heavy. I soon started hearing voices. They were speaking all together, as if to me, in my brain. Soul stole, Mind numb, they kept saying. I agreed. Start a mind line, I heard. Then, mind tape. What in the world was all of this? It was coming from beyond my world, I suspected. Instructions? Jesting? But, from where? I also felt a sense of not feeling gravity. I had a lightness of being. Disconnected from all, but trying to reach a place of clarity. Mentally. I received a phone call from my friend Sheila around this time and she said that the psychic had seen a rainbow halo and aura around me. Brighter than any sun and unusual. Lady Jessie was instructed to leave me alone. I told Sheila about my weird experiences. “Don’t worry.” she said. Well, I was. Obviously, I had not been left alone. By something. I silently vowed never to speak to Sheila again.
These voices persisted, coming and going, at various times. Very disturbing. I prayed. I was quite sane, but wondering what this all meant. One day, out of frustration, I imagined a mind line, to my brain, grabbed it, though I actually saw nothing, and wrapped it around a secured attic door in my home. I tied that sucker in a mean knot. In my imagination, of course. Or, was it? I performed the motions, after all. Out of sheer desperation. Soon, I felt more normal and not a voice stirred. Anymore. All quiet. That was the most important moment of my life, so far. My thinking became clearer. I felt like I had awakened from a dream. A long dream. One that had lasted all of my life, until this moment. Awareness of guilt, sin and love became so vivid and simple. I had never learned life lessons easily in life, but now, right and wrong were vivid. Black and white. I was awake. Aware. I was in awe that half of my life had gone by and I never really knew it. Not really. I was here, really here with all of my brain now. And with that wonderful knowledge came an uneasiness. I was not supposed to know all of this. I thought of Adam and Eve and the tree of knowledge. I was not supposed to know I was really here. I was not supposed to know that I knew. Aware. Awake. Life was actually a dream within a dream. For our own supposed good, we were never meant to know this. That blissful and painful dreamlike state was our protection, so most think. And it is. Some awaken and some don’t. They go mad. No one wants that. But if a person is miserable, do they deserve the chance to know all of this? I think so. Maybe.
The terrible risk was worth it, in my case. But, soon, I discovered that knowledge can be dangerous. I was being followed by black cars and had several near miss accidents. They meant to kill me. I know it. I have always been a careful person. I knew this was no coincidence. The men in black suits and sunglasses were watching me. Who were they? I tried to ignore them. For five years, this went on. Then, one day, they were gone. Never one for believing in Ufo’s, I saw several, over this time. Colorful spaceships and white tablet looking crafts in the brilliant sunny day time sky. I ignored them and the men in the black cars. All has been well for many years now. I guess they finally felt like I was no threat. Am I? What you know may hurt you. Even though it actually helped me, I know many aren’t as fortunate. Some died trying to live and some may or may not survive the attack. And, make no mistake, it was an attack. I never asked for this. But, maybe I deserved. I try to think so. It helps. I am happier now. Explain that? I can. I woke up. I have always believed in God and I still do. But, I discovered something beyond. Well, it discovered me. Perhaps, God testing the strength in me. My strength saved me. Or something beyond the realm of our meant possibilities. The knowledge to instinctively do good. We should be born with it, shouldn’t we? And acting on that should be natural, right? Why be evil, have bad thoughts or hate? I don’t know. Protection. Learning. All important. But, in a dream, mistakes repeat over and over. A vicious cycle. I got to step off. Miraculously. I am again talking to Sheila. I just don’t talk about any of this. It is best. I try not to think at all about Lady Jessie, but I heard her thoughts. Once upon a time. Shiny gold soul, mine to hold, take leave of all the things you thought you know. And never show.